MoNstEr
by VeeCat
Summary: A monster is a monster no matter how you look at it. A monster isn't always the boogeyman under your bed, or your worst fears in the dark closet on the wall opposite your bed. A monster can be your own life betraying you, just as it has Roxas. Sucked into the world of white powder, Roxas yearns to change his ways and win the love of his life back.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any characters associated with the game series. I do not own Disney, AFI, or Atreyu nor do I have any rights to any of the named.

Summary: A monster is a monster no matter how you look at it. A monster isn't always the boogeyman under your bed, or your worst fears in the dark closet on the wall opposite your bed. A monster can be your own life betraying you, just as it has Roxas. Sucked into the world of white powder, Roxas yearns to change his ways and win the love of his life back.

* * *

 **[M** o **N** _s_ **t _E_** r]

* * *

 _A monster can be a lot of things._

 _It can be a deformed human._

 _An imaginary or legendary creature of any sort._

 _A wicked human._

 _Or simply just something you fear._

 _Something that calls to you like a beautiful voice that draws you in._

 _Something that can make you, or break you._

 _At first he loved it's feelings of euphoria._

 _But then his lips matched his sparky blue eyes._

 _The **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _wanted him dead._

 **The _M_** o **N** _s_ **t _E_** r **_calls you._**

 _ **Just like it calls him.**_

 _ **Do you hear its raspy voice?**_

* * *

 **Chapter One: Meet The Monster**

* * *

 _Snort._

I inhale another line of creamy white powder.

 _Snort_

'I love this stuff.' I think to myself.

I live in a wild world. Where everyday consists of my **monster.**

The **monster** calls me everyday.

And everyday I answer its calls. Snorting it. Loving it.

My **monster** has no color, and no smell. It flies up my nose.

It makes me feel better. It eases my pain.

My brother walks in **my** room, ignoring my **do not enter** sign. I actually don't care.

But I do envy him. A lot. He has the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen.

I love her more than the **monster.** But all she sees in me, is a drug addicted freak. That hurts, it makes me want more of the **monster**. So I lean down and get more **monster**.

I snort down the line, thinking of blue eyes, and strawberry blond hair. _Kairi._ It hurts. I begin to lean down to inhale more of the monster. Until my brother speaks, he has worry in his voice.

"Roxas, stop." He yells over the music.

"No, what do you want?" I yell back, nose clogged with monster.

"I just want to know if I can use your Afi CD, Kairi wants to listen to it." Sora sighs in defeat.

My brother sees the pain in my eyes as he says her name.

"Roxas, that was along time ago, don't beat your self up over it." Sora says, while he walks over to the CD player I had just shut off.

You see, I had Kairi once. I would have never let her go if Riku hadn't introduced me to the **monster**. So Sora had told Kairi, but it was only for her safety, so I suppose he isn't the bad guy. I just envy him because he in turn got her.

Kairi spends most of her days here, with Sora and not me. I sit in my room all day. With the **monster**. And sometimes Riku. But he abandoned the **monster**. All because of his bitch girlfriend Namine. I won't let the **monster** feel alone, me and the **monster** can make each other feel wanted. The **monster** loves me. It opened my eyes to a world of new things.

"Since your taking Afi, can you put in Atreyu?" I ask, leaning down for more **monster**.

"Yeah, but you need to stop that, your taking to much." Sora asked, worry in his eyes shone.

I guess he's right, good bye **monster,** I'll see you tomorrow.

I have to leave the **monster** sometime everyday, but it always calls me. I get up, and want to sit back down. I feel weird. I suppose I should. I did 9 lines today. Thats a self best.

I walk down the carpeted stairs. My twin following

Yes Sora and I are twins.

I suppose you could say I'm the bad one.

But I haven't always been this way.

But shit never works out for me. It always doe for Sora though.

I'm still a virgin and he's not.

The sad thing is, Kairi was his first. And not mine. That shit pisses me off. My head feels weird.

 ** _M_** o **N** _s_ **t _E_** r

It keeps calling me. I walk to the kitchen, passing Kairi, who says Hi to me.

"Hi." I murmur back. It still hurts to speak to her.

Especially after seeing her ride my brother like a fucking cow girl. That was a horrible day.

I can barely stand, and Kairi notices.

"Are you okay Roxas?" She begins to walk towards me, very worried.

"I'm fine, get away." I mumble, hearing one of my favorite songs come one. I open the fridge and get the Pepsi jug out.

"Fuck." I yell. I hit the floor.

My breathing is faint. My lips begin to match my blue eyes. I can't breath.

"Sora!" Kairi yells, running over to me.

"Roxas!" She screams.

I close my eyes, this feels kinda good. But why is the **monster** doing this?

That's right, because a **monster** is a **monster.**

A monsters intentions never change, they call you. A monster is something you fear.

The **monster** wants me dead, it wants to call someone else now. But I won't die, I will fight the **monsters** calls.

With my lips blue, and my eyes shut I finally realize, the **monster** isn't good. What I thought was good, was an evil. What I need to do, is get my life back. You see, Kairi left me for a reason, because I was in love with the **monster**. Would she miss me if I was like I used to be?

But I still love the **monster**. Even if it tried to kill me.

Even when the one that loves you tells you its going to be okay, it isn't always true. They don't understand, even when they say they do.

The sweats at night.

 _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

The need to feed on the euphoric feeling as the drug of choice hits your receptors and opens the door to a whole new world. No, your life issues don't vanish. But, even if for a moment, the pain becomes bearable once more.

 _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

I do not fear death so much, I fear my nightmares.

I fear...

 _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

* * *

 _What makes this_ _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _a_ _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _?_

 _This creature is like no other._

 _Its calls to you like a siren._

 _It loves you._

 _Then it wants a new victim._

 _Someone new to crush in the end._

 _Can I win the battle with the **M** o **N** s **tE** r?_

* * *

 _Authors note: I had previously written this story and then taken it down when I thought I would no longer write. It is now being remade, re-posted, and edited. I plan to extend the original plot, and add more chapters. R &R! -VeeCat_

 _Other: I do not own Pepsi, or any beverages owned or bottled under the authority of Pepsi-Cola.,_


	2. Encounters

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy; or any characters asscioated with them or the video game series Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: In the past this story was up and done, it is being edited and remade with the story possibly taking different turns.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

-VeeCat-

* * *

 _What makes this_ _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _a_ _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _?_

 _This creature is like no other._

 _Its calls to you like a siren._

 _It loves you._

 _Then it wants a new victim._

 _Someone new to crush in the end._

 _Can I win the battle with the **M** o **N** s **tE** r?_

* * *

 **Chapter Two:Encounters**

* * *

I awoke from my slumber. I was met with **pink lips**. The lips that saved me.

 **Kairi** had done CPR. She saved my life. Sora didn't want to take me to the hospital.

Mom and Dad would have found out about the **monster.**

"Roxas, you have to stop this." Sora sighed.

"Why?" I ask him, wobbling as I stand up.

"You could have died." Sora screams this time.

"So." I try to act like I don't care, so I shrug.

"Whatever." He just walks away from me.

I don't know why Sora cares so much. He calls someone I know. _Riku._ Why did he call him? I ask myself.

Kairi sits on the sofa, crying. Why do people in general care about my welfare at all? I'm just someone who doesn't do anything. I just mind my own business with the company of the **monster.** I just went to sleep, and they are making a fucking fuss about it.

"Why did you call him?" I stomp into the room. Still woozy from the slumber I took.

"Because, maybe he can help you." Sora rubs his temples.

"Its his fault." I glare at my reflection, my twin with hair of a different color. I'm blond, hes a brunette. Maybe that's why I do stupid things. Because I'm a blond. Blond and stupid.

"But he got over it Roxas." Kairi speaks up finally.

I just stare at her, "Don't act like you care how I feel or turn out." I speak sternly.

"But I do care." She speaks through tears.

"Then you would have helped me, instead you left, dumb bitch." I mutter, walking up the stairs.

Sora soon follows. Slamming my door open.

"Why did you say that?" He asks me, sadness in his blue eyes.

"Because its true." I whisper, pulling a bag, a bag in which the **monster** lives.

"You're not doing that shit right now." Sora grabs the bag out of my hands.

That's my **monster** , and he has the right to take it away from me?

I struggle with his hands to get it back. I lose, I'm still to dizzy. He takes my dollar bills that I use to let the **monster** enter me. He takes my straws. He takes every trace of **monster**. My **monster.**

He slams the door. Taking **it** with him. Taking the damn **monster**.

Its seems like hours, it had to have been. I needed to answer the **monsters** calls. I felt weird. I rocked.

I felt clammy. Sweaty.

Riku walked in. He got in my face.

"How did you ignore the monster?" I whisper.

"I cared." Riku dully stated. His hot breath bouncing off my face. "I'm gonna sit here." Riku sat down on my computer chair and just stared at me.

"Why?" I ask, my voice is shaky. I need the **monster**.

"You need help." The silver haired teen looked at me.

"And staring will help?" I asked, acting like he was stupid.

"I'm going to stay here a few nights, and make sure you don't do anymore." He yelled.

"But.." I am cut off.

"But what Roxas? You want more, or do you need it?" He bluntly asks.

"I don't know." I reply to him.

"I know the cravings Roxas." He whispers, back in my face.

"They aren't cravings, they are calls." I glare back, I hate him.

"Can they hurt don't they?" Riku whispers in my ear, sending shivers done my back. "You want to cry because you need it so bad." He scares the living shit outta me. "The calls make you sweat, and feel alone."

"How did you just ignore them?" I ask leaning away from him.

"Because, I didn't want to die, I wanted Namine to be proud of me." He says while walking back in forth in front of me.

"Who is there to make proud for me, no one." I stare coldly at him.

"Kairi, Sora, and me." He looks down at me, with a sorrow showing in his eyes. "You think we don't care, but we do."

Maybe I should listen to Riku's calls, instead of the **monsters.** Would Kairi love me again, if I put myself back on the deans list at school, if I showed her my eyes could be alive again. I need to beat the monsters calls. I need to show people I can be just like Sora. He has everything, a sexy girl, perfect grades. I can do that.

The monster still calls me though.

Can I ignore its calls?

I hear its raspy voice in the back of my head, it wants me back.

These calls are stronger then before.

 _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Do you hear it?


	3. Who Ever Got Me Started?

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy; or any characters associated with them or the video game series Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: In the past this story was up and done, it is being edited and remade with the story possibly taking different turns.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

-VeeCat-

* * *

 _Ignoring addiction is harder than anyone thinks_

 _The calls ring in your head._

 _Your body shakes._

 _You begin to love sleep._

 _You sweat._

 _You get nervous._

 _The_ _ **M**_ o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _needs you._

 _But love can conquer that._

 _Or is love another addiction?_

* * *

 **Chapter Three:Who Ever Got Me Started?**

* * *

Riku seriously stayed and just sat there. Kairi and Sora brought food whenever they made the meals. Mom and Dad left for their anniversary for a week. Which conveniently gave Riku plenty of time to be on my case.

"Feeling better yet Roxas?" Riku asked me, still staring.

"No." I replied.

"You will, eventually." He leaned back, and ate another hot wing.

"You seem, to forget Riku." I said to him, staring like he does at me.

"Forget what?" Riku asked me, looking a tad bit confused.

"Your the one who got me started." I smirked at him.

"Can't we just forget that, I feel bad enough." He sighed

"No."

* * *

 _It was a Friday, I was gonna go to the movies with Kairi as I did often._

 _But no, you had the coolest thing to show me. You wanted to introduce me to the **monster**._

 _We sat in my room. You broke out a bag. It had powder in it. White powder._

 _This powder had no real color, no odor, no taste._

 _You put two mounds of powder of the table and got out your school ID. You made four small lines._

 _You handed me a dollar bill, and told me roll it up. I did as asked._

" _Do as I do." You instructed._

 _You leaned down, and snorted down two lines._

 _Reluctantly I did too. It burned my nose, but that feeling that followed was the best. A euphoria like no other._

 _So there you have it, its not my problem, its yours._

 _Is that why you feel you need to fix it?_

* * *

"Yeah, I guess it is." Riku answered.

I had my plan set, to make him feel as bad as I could make him feel. It was his fault anyway. As much as I loved the **monster** , it was time I get my life back .

"Do you know how many other things are your fault Riku?" I asked him.

He just looked at me, I had never seen him with such a sad look on his face. His eyes glistened. _Tears_.

I felt bad but I continued.

"I'm gonna tell you, why Kairi left me."

* * *

 _This was the worst day of my life. The **monster** and me had been together for a week. Sora found out. It made him sad. If it made him sad, why did he want to make me sad? But it wasn't his fault. I blame you Riku, I could have gone to the movies and had a wonderful time. But instead you got me high. _

_Sora knocked on my door, I still hadn't awoke from my slumber. It was 4 P.M. And still I hadn't awoke. He had been waking me up for the past few days, or else I would have just kept on sleeping. Instead of just him walking in though, Kairi did to. But then Sora left. And Kairi just sat there. Until I finally got up._

 _Kairi sat there, and stared at me as I got up. My blond hair was mess, my blue eyes bloodshot. She looked at me with disappointment. And I looked at her, still tired._

" _You know Roxas, I really don't think its working out."_

 _I didn't respond. I saw Sora standing in the doorway. I knew he had done it. At first I was pissed at him. But I know it was for her safety._

 _Thats right, I'm alone because of you._

 _I'm alone, because you made me talk to the **monster**. _

* * *

"Roxas, sorry man." Riku looked down at his feet.

It was working, I was making him feel bad. But I had one more thing I had to do. Tell him what it was like seeing the girl I loved have sex with my brother. I think that is what makes me so envious of him. The fact that she had sex with him so soon, but we had been dating for almost a year and she wouldn't touch me like that.

"One more thing." I say to Riku.

He looks so sad now. I hope he feels guilty.

"What." his voice is shaky.

"What would you do if you saw Namine having sex with someone else?"

"I.." He begins to say before I cut him off.

"Shut up."

* * *

 _I was just coming home from school. I was still doing my work, but putting any old answer down. My grades began to fall. I was still in soccer so I stayed after, thats why they were home first. And by they I mean Kairi and Sora. It had only been a week since Kairi broke up with me._

 _I walked upstairs, and I was going to go to my room and answer the monster's raspy voice. But I heard something down the hall. Noises. Yeah every house has noises in it, but these were different noises. Noises I didn't want to hear._

 _I creaked down the hall. I was outside Sora's room. And I already knew what was going on. Only because I heard the sexual moan of my brothers name. Tears streamed my face as I pushed the door open. One look of Kairi riding him like a cowgirl was all I needed before I just walked away._

 _That was a horrible feeling. My brother apologized for weeks. I didn't even look at Kairi. That's who I was mad at._

 _Stupid whore._

* * *

"When will you listen and know that I'm sorry." Riku yelled.

I looked at him.

"Because I don't care, you've done enough damage." I coldly say to him.

"What the hell, I'm just trying to help." Riku yelled

"Trying to fix what you broke?" I smirk. "I hope, you will someday hurt like I did, watching her have sex with my own brother."

"How many times do people have to apologize to you?" Riku said to me.

"I've been wronged so many times to know that sorry doesn't ever fix it."

Being me is hard. Being hurt is hard. The **monster** wants to make the hurt go away. But I can't let him.

I need to fix things on my own. I need to fix my pain with other things, and not the **monster**.

"Riku, I appreciate the help." I say to him, "But the monster used to help me, everyone tries to help me, I just want to help myself this time." I get up and walk towards the door, the exit for the first time in three days.

 **I just want to help myself.**

 **But I have no strength, its all been taken.**

 **I just want to help...**

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

I'm going to ignore that damn monster, Riku did help some. I took out the much needed wrath on him.

I'm a cold person.

The **monster** is calling all the time. As I sat there I let the **monster** call.

Being nice doesn't work in a world the **monster** calls you.

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

There's that call again.

Tell me.

Whats it sound like to you?

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r


	4. No Day Is Perfect

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy; or any characters associated with them or the video game series Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: In the past this story was up and done, it is being edited and remade with the story possibly taking different turns.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

A/N:This is my first Kingdom Hearts story, please bare with me because I'm trying a new format. This is mostly in Roxas's POV. Thanks.

Full Summary:Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

-VeeCat-

* * *

 _In the depths of darkness_

 _I follow your shadow._

 _It lures me farther and farther._

 _Away from what I once was._

 _Happy._

 _Yeah, I miss that._

 _But yet I am drawn to your wicked world of temptation._

 _Tell me,_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _, what is the incantation?_

 _You're like a demon, or are you not?_

 _What are the words,_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _?_

 _I must recite the incantation._

* * *

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

 **Chapter Four: No Day Is Perfect**

* * *

I sweat and pant.

I feign and cry.

But the **monster** won't get to me.

Its been a week since I talked to the **monster** , answering its raspy voice. I notice my own improvements as my scrawny figure already begins to fill out. I walk through the dark halls of my home, and get a surprising comment from my brother.

"Your really improving Roxas, I'm proud of you." Sora smiles to me.

"Thanks." I let out a small smile.

Although I'm known as a cold person, I do take kindly to comments of the nice genre. I'm known as cold because I love to take people down that have wronged me. Sadly that included Riku for that one day a week ago. Sometimes I don't like to do that to people, but they need to know they can't live their life wronging people with no such payback. And to me payback is indeed a bitch.

The **monster** calls me when I feel down, when I walk to the bathroom and hear my brother having sex with Kairi.

I hate that sound, the sound of my brothers name coming out so pleasurably. The bed creaking, it rings through my ears. But I just turn the other cheek, and curse the fucking **monster**.

Why did Kairi ever screw him anyways? But not me. Yet it only took a week for my brother to get down her pants? _Slut._ But I can't help missing her warm breath against my neck, the feeling of completeness. She never had sex with me, but she cuddled against my chest and fell asleep so silently. I remember the day I first met her.

* * *

 _Junior year. Fucking hell of year._

 _School was school here on Destiny Island. Nasty rumors of whores and pregnant cheerleaders just like any ol' school. I often got a kick out of listening to the rumors. Until the first day of my Modern Civilization class. Social studies was my favorite subject._

 _I got to the class almost first. Sitting down my eyes caught a beautiful sight. A strawberry blond, blue eyed girl. She was new here to Destiny High. The newest beauty._

 _She conveniently sat down next to me. And I had to say something, I couldn't keep my words in. They were dying to get out. Just sitting there on my tongue._

" _Hi." Is what came out of mouth, nice job, fuck ass._

" _Hi, I'm Kairi" She smiled, putting her hand out, her charm bracelet dangled in the air._

" _I'm Roxas." I had to smile, and I shook her hand._

" _So whats this school like?" She questioned me._

" _Crazy." I rolled my eyes._

 _One week in that class with her, and I was in love. I asked her out, and she took the offer. We went every where together, not one place I went did she not go. She even went so far as to go to Sora's baseball games with me._

 **You're pretty hot for a white girl.**

 **I didn't actually say that;but I wanted to.**

 _She is a beautiful sight._

 _But now I'm snapped out of this flashback, by another sexual moan from my brothers room._

 _Fucking whore._

* * *

Yeah, Sora had just complimented me and then gone to fuck Kairi. Sometimes I think he does this shit on purpose. But he can't possibly get an erection or sexual urges on command to piss me off, can he? No, because Kairi must influence them; because she is a whore.

 _Whore._

That's the oddest question I've ever asked myself. Why would I ask myself a question about my brothers

manhood. Maybe because I'm weird?

I go to school and find myself asking for make-up work and extra credit in all five classes that I'm currently in. The teachers comment on my improvement, I've raised every class one letter grade, and they will rise when I turn in more work and do more extra credit.

I stand here in my room thinking. About Kairi, Sora, and Riku, they have all commented me about improvement. But the **monster** still calls.

I sit here thinking. But then my cell phone rings. A black and silver camera phone. This I must thank Sora for. He does a lot for me, since I can't get a job because I would fail a drug test, Sora pays for my phone with his own money. I often think my brother loves me, but then again I also think he is ashamed I am his brother.

But he must care, right? Who else would do so many things for a fuck up like me?

I answer my phone, its the **monster** calling, but in a different form. Tidus, my provider.

"Hello?" I answer

"Yo, Roxas, you haven't called me for the stuff lately, whats up with that?" Tidus questions.

"Tidus, I can't anymore, sorry man." I tell him.

"You and Riku is real shady man, real shady." Tidus hangs up.

I don't care if he's pissed. I'm better then that, I don't need this shit.

I don't need the monster, I don't need Tidus.

But I miss that euphoric state the monster put me in.

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Fuck, there it is again.

Euphoria.

A feeling of great happiness or well-being, commonly exaggerated and not necessarily well founded.

Yeah, using the monster for a euphoria isn't well founded.

But it feels so good.

Have you ever felt a euphoria like me?

My name is Roxas, and I can beat this.

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Can you?

* * *

A/N: Read and Review!


	5. The Skeletons In My Closet

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy; or any characters associated with them or the video game series Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: In the past this story was up and done, it is being edited and remade with the story possibly taking different turns.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

A/N:This is my first Kingdom Hearts story, please bare with me because I'm trying a new format. This is mostly in Roxas's POV. Thanks.

Full Summary:Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

-VeeCat-

* * *

 _Perfection._

 _The quality or condition of being perfect._

 _An instance of excellence._

 _A state of being without flaw or defect._

 _Or is this a lie?_

 _Can something or someone have some kind of flaw;_

 _despite a life of excellency;despite a slate as white as fresh Christmas_

 _SnOw?_

 _?_

 _The_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _says nothing is ever perfect._

 _Listen to its calls, its voice even has flaws._

 _Perfection._

 _Yeah, thats a crock of bullshit._

 _I know a man, this man is nothing but bones, , ,_

 _Because I have skeletons in my closet; just banging on the door, ready to_

 _tear my life apart._

 _Theres skeletons in my closet_

 _my_

 _my my_

 _the_

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r _

_is about to bust that fuckin lock_

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Perfection;The sKeLToNs in my ClosET**

* * *

My brother, he's always so happy. Sora has spiky brown hair, and blue eyes that match mine.

He walks in the door, his face filled with sadness, I know that Kairi hasn't left him, she trails him like a shadow. Even she is sad.

I wonder what is wrong, but I don't want to ask. I don't even really care. I'm to cold for that.

Never mind, I can't bullshit myself, seeing Kairi and Sora sad hurts my feelings.

I may envy Sora so, but seeing him so upset makes me wonder, 'What the fuck is wrong?' I ask myself, yeah thats right, I still don't have the balls to ask them aloud.

Sora goes to his room, and Kairi flops down on the couch. Why do I love her so, after she hurt me so much? I can't withhold myself anymore, I must ask.

I take a seat next to her, "Whats wrong with you two today?"

She looks up into my eyes, for the first time she only sees blue, ocean blue, and no streams of red. For the first time in months, she can talk to me without me being on cloud 9.

"I suppose you have a right to know, I was gonna have a baby, but it didn't make it." She muttered the last words, and fell into my shoulder, my shirt began to get warm as it was soaked with salt and water.

I was grief stricken, and no, not because a miscarriage occurred. Because she would have bared my brothers child, and not mine. That sounds sick, doesn't it?

Today was not a day to be cold. They didn't need it. I give her a light hug and I smile, "Don't worry, theirs always next time." I chuckle.

She smiles, and trys to let out a small chuckle, "Thanks."

I reluctantly let her out of my arms. "I'm gonna try to talk to Sora." I whisper into her ear, and I get up and make my way upstairs.

I knock on the door, but don't wait for a response. I walk in any way. "Sora." I peek around the door while opening it.

"What?" He his muffled voice yells in response.

He lays on the bed, flat, face in a pillow. He reminds me of a damn 10 year old who didn't get what they wanted. Of course he didn't get what he wanted, now did he?

"You okay?" I ask, leaning up against the door frame.

"Does it look like it?" He replies, in a mocking tone.

"I'm just trying to help." I sigh in return.

"Thanks." Sora leans up and faces me, "You can help by comforting Kairi." He lets a small smile, to let me know he's sorry for snapping. I knew he was though, but it was obvious he wanted to be left alone.

So I did as asked.

I sit here on the couch with Kairi sleeping in my lap, and think, she used to do this before. When she loved me though.

Sora isn't perfect, I know that now.

Perfection has flaws.

And Sora does to.

 _Tragedy._

 _Loss._

 _A feeling of emptiness._

 _Sora's flaws. He lost something._

But he shouldn't blame himself, its not his fault. Kairi just couldn't carry that kid right now.

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Damn it, the **monster** knows I had the negative thought. The thought of envy. Envy is one of the deadly sins, and the **monster** knows this.

What are you're thoughts?

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Come on, you can tell me.

Here I say.

I say; would you like to know?

About the first skeleton in my closet?

My deepest darkest fears?

My guilt?

Would you like to know, how my mind...

How my own God damn memory betrays me?

Theres a skeleton in my closet I say, Lets;;

Together take the key, and cross that line.

Theres skeletons in my closet.

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

Tread lightly.

A skeleton, do you understand me?

 **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r

* * *

A/N: Read and Review!


	6. The Meaning of Pessimism

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have rights to characters in the following shows/games/anime: Final Fantasy, Disney, or Kindgom Hearts.

A/N: In the past this story was up and done, it is being edited and remade with the story possibly taking different turns.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

A/N:This is my first Kingdom Hearts story, please bare with me because I'm trying a new format. This is mostly in Roxas's POV. Thanks.

 **Full Summary:** Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

-VeeCat-

* * *

 _Pessimism._

 _A word I'm rather familiar with._

 _So far, I've only told you about my pessimistic, cold ways._

 _And shown you the good._

 _No you may think, the good outweighs the evil._

 _But pessimism means taking the gloomiest possible view._

 _And that I do, do you wanna take a look through my eyes?_

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Answer the calls with me, and take a walk._

* * *

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _By:VeeCat_

* * *

 **Chapter Six: The Meaning of Pessimism**

* * *

You've seen the good parts of me. The sensitive caring side. But you see, that's not me. I have this outlook on the world; this outlook is unique to all others. I have this outlook because nothing ever goes the way anyone wants it. Ever. Here take a walk, and I'll show you all the reasons I'm the way I am, I'll show you why I am Roxas.

I mean look at this, come on, I couldn't even keep Kairi. Why you may ask? Well because of Riku. Yeah the monster didn't completely fuck it all up. Riku is in fact the reason why I met the monster. So there, that part is his fault. One reason to look upon him in the negative tone.

Before the monster I was in this class called _Integrated Chemistry and Physics_. Yeah I have a negative outlook on school too. Get the fuck over it, I'm a kid they say. A teenager, so I scare the shit outta of a lot of people. Well anyways, I did every damn assignment plus extra credit. Did that help? Fuck no. I'm in that class again. So here is my view, no matter how hard you try if a teacher doesn't like you, plan on being in that class again.

My brother, love him to death, but still. No matter what I do, my parents will always look down on me, and look upon him with pride. I was in soccer. So was Sora. I scored three points. Sora scored six. I was the goalie, Sora got to be on the field and score more points then when I got to be on the field. The coach made me goalie to put Sora out there. Why? Because everyone likes him more. So why give a fuck. There is my third reason to look down upon the world.

Now here, I applied at every fast food establishment in town and not one place called me yet three called Sora. Why? Well of course because Sora never flunked a class, I did. Made his GPA higher. So they told me he was more qualified. Bull fucking shit. So I don't give a shit if I get a job, its not worth trying when I know I'll get turned down.

I'm not even gonna tell you all about the female situation, haven't I enough?

Why get close to people, I got this one friend, and we could tell each other almost anything. But she died in a car accident. It was the first day she had gotten her license and a drunk driver killed her. How ironic is it that the drunk driver lived? Selphie was her name and she loved PE, especially when we would have to do those ridiculous jump rope exercises. I think at one point I loved her, but its just to damn late for that now isn't it? So now I turn my back to peoples drama, its fucking stupid to care, when their drama could be the end of them. Helping may get you attached and then when they die, guilt will overcome you. Its just not worth it.

The monster has made me what I am today. I am Roxas.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Oh my god._

Do you continue to hear it.

Maybe you should try it.

It could make you what I am.

Don't you want to continue my walk.

Come one, listen to that voice. It has so many flaws, yet its so beautiful.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Oh my god._

Don't you want to be what I am?

My name is Roxas.

I am the meaning of pessimism.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Take my walk._

* * *

 **Authors Note: Please leave a review, let me know what you think! Read, & Review! I Hope you enjoy it!**

-VeeCat


	7. Come To Me Or Save Me

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have rights to characters in the following shows/games/anime: Final Fantasy, Disney, or Kindgom Hearts.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

A/N:This is my first Kingdom Hearts story, please bare with me because I'm trying a new format. This is mostly in Roxas's POV. Thanks.

 **Full Summary:** Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

* * *

 _The_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _not once has deceived me._

 _Not once has it ever lied to me._

 _Just the same euphoria effect._

 _But in the real world._

 _The world that I am awake and sober._

 _Deception is an everyday thing._

 _Deception, oh, deception._

 _I'd love the_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r _again, before I'd accept more of this deceit and bullshit._

 _Dear_ **M** o **N** _s_ **t** _ **E**_ r, _I think I want you again._

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Yes, come to me once more._

* * *

 _ **M**_ _o_ _ **N**_ _s_ _ **tE**_ _r_

 _By:VeeCat_

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: Come To Me, Or Save Me**

* * *

Today has been a good day, I woke up and the **monster** didn't call. Thats good, right?

I got up before my alarm, and still got annoyed with its ringing sound, yet another clock met my white wall. And made another hole for my father to yell at me for.

School, not a whole lot to say about it. Except this one girl. Yuffie. Can you say sexy?

Shiny black hair, beautiful tan skin. Deep brown eyes, I could have gotten lost in them.

I walked into Law Education class, to see this gorgeous girl with that familiar pink slip in her hand at the teachers desk. This pink slip meant she was removed from another class and put into this one. The teacher signed it, looked at her schedule, and motioned her to take a text book, then sit down.

She miraculously sat down next to me, even if it was the last empty seat in the class, still it made me happy.

"Are you new?" I asked leaning over, taking advice from Sora, being more social.

"No." She replied in a manner of shyness.

"Have you always lived in Destiny Island?" I asked her befuddled.

"Yeah, since 6th grade." She again replied.

I began to get nervous as I thought about asking her over, or on a date.

"Would you want to come over and watch a movie with me?" My mind betrayed me as those words slipped out.

"Sure, would you like my number?" She giggled as she saw my nervous expression.

"Yeah." A nervous smile spread across my face.

"Here." She replied, quickly writing her digits and a scarp piece of paper.

She then handed me the paper. And I smiled, and thanked her.

I am so fucking happy.

* * *

 **One Week Later**

* * *

Today is a Friday, me and Yuffie are going to have our first 'date' today, we are going to watch Silent Mound. With Sora and Kairi of course. Yeah it was Sora's favorite video game...so he asked if we could kinda double date. I agreed. I can't deny a guy his need to fulfill that movie want.

A ring at the door is heard, and I get up excitedly, I open the door, and see this gorgeous girl. She is dressed so casually, yet she looks more gorgeous than in school. Her straight black hair falls down upon her shoulders. I smile lightly.

"You look great." I say with that light smile.

"Thanks." She smiles shyly.

"Come in, meet Sora." I say moving away from the door.

"Did you say Sora?" She looks confused.

"Yeah, hes my twin brother, minus the blond hair of course." I reply to her confusion.

"He was in my freshmen home room." She laughs as she walks in.

Sora notices my date is here and walks in the door, he stops dead in his tracks. He knows her, as she does him.

"Yuffie?" He questions.

"Hi." She bluntly says taking a seat on the sofa.

I don't say this aloud, but I don't think she likes him very much. Thats good, Kairi liked Sora to much.

 _Stupid skank._

Its only a thought.

Not really. She is a skank.

We sit down as Kairi emerges from the restroom, flinging back her strawberry blond hair, and then sitting down next to Sora.

Sora presses a button on the remote and the movie menu appears, then he presses the play button.

The movie didn't last long enough. How fucking disappointing. We all arose from the sofa and Sora and Kairi went upstairs,as usual, why?

Because shes a skank.

I walk Yuffie to the door and dare to give her a kiss goodbye, luckily it is returned with a passionate one.

"Your nothing like your brother." She whispers in my ear.

What? I ask my self, how would she know. They only had homeroom together.

"Is that good or bad." I ask, pretending not to be sad, or scared.

"Its good because all he wanted was sex, bye Roxas." She smile exiting the house.

Coming around the corner was Sora.

"I hoped you wouldn't find out." Sora sighed.

I walk towards him and decided against my anger, "Shut the fuck up." I brush past him.

"Nice." Kairi screams from down the stairs to Sora.

"Kairi." Sora yells with a sigh.

"Fuck you." I hear from her voice as I slam my door.

 _Guess my brother is quite the whore, I must have misjudged Kairi._

 _Sora is the skank._

 _Deception is the only word I can use to describe this. Sora will always find a way. He will always find a way to deceive me. Fuck._

 _He even deceived Kairi, telling her she was his first, he sure as shit lied to her. Just to get down her skimpy little shorts._

 _But why do I love her, if I hate her so?_

 _I don't even know, I call her these names out of jealousy. But now whats there to be jealous of? I hope Kairi leaves his ass. Lying is grounds for breaking up, or at least I think so._

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _I will not deny thee anymore._

 _Come to me. You have never lied my dear **monster**. Your euphoric state is my only way out. _

_FUCK._

 _I can't fall victim._

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Oh, please oh please save me Kairi._

 _Or the **monster** will._

* * *

A/N: In the next chapter we are going to be doing it a tad different and begin talking about those skeletons in Roxas's closet. I hope you look forward to it, and please let me know what you think of the story so far! I would appreciate it. Have a good week. R&R!


	8. 7 & a half: Riku My Skeleton

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have rights to characters in the following shows/games/anime: Final Fantasy, Disney, or Kindgom Hearts.

Secondary Disclaimer: I do not have ownership or rights to the words of Kirby Puckett or Naomi Watts. There famous words just brought inspiration.

 **Authors Note** 1: This chapter will not necessarily delve any deeper into the storyline but rather focus on Roxas's past. Its a "half" chapter, and will talk about those skeletons. There will be 2-3 half chapters. Thank you all!

Authors note 2: Read and Review please! :)

 **Full Summary:** Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

* * *

 _Kirby Puckett once said that everything has been written._

 _Everybody knows everything about me._

 _There are no longer any secrets._

 _Except those skeletons in my closet._

 _Those big ass walking sacks of bone haunt me._

 _They own me._

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Oh sweet monster, you pulse through my veins._

 _There are skeletons in my closet, I say again._

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

 _But I fuckin' know what their wearing._

* * *

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

 _By:VeeCat_

* * *

 _Chapter 7 ½: Riku My Skeleton_

* * *

What does blaming someone else for your misfortunes do? Does it help you sleep at night?

Addiction starts somewhere, just like a fucking plague, there's a ground zero. You have to find that.

You have to own it, not let it own you.

My **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_ is my **monster** , a manifestation of all the wrong I've done. The darkness inside me in my own personal form.

My destruction if you will.

Riku, I can't consider him a demon.

A skeleton though.

That he is. A dark time.

But what I've done to myself is my own doing. I picked it up.

 **Rolling** them _dollar **bills.**_

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

The **monster** calls often. I need to hit that reset button, but I have to tell a story first. I can't keep living a lie. I just can't.

I know I did it really.

I grabbed the dollar. I stared at those four lines, knowing that no direction and no turn was the right one.

Yeah, the feeling after was what I would imagine witnessing a miracle done by Jesus Christ himself, pure..

Fucking.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

Heaven.

Thats what it was. Bliss.

Euphoria.

Heaven.

But **really it was like a highway to hell**.

We should look at like this; It grabbed him too, somewhere on that highway.

The highway we call life.

The **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

I could have been a mighty king. Instead I choose the junkie life.

As did Riku.

Someone set up that introduction, that knock on the door. & You had no idea the devil was on the other side.

Scratch that, it was the **monster.** Wearing the mask of a saint, taking credit for the underworld.

Just your regular damn con man.

He had no idea, the destruction that would befall him. He had no idea the fire he was going to fuel.

I was bound for great things, _but destined to fall like the London Bridge._

But whos laughing now? No one, he was a stab at all those that love me too.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

Riku cleaned up.

I pray I can too.

But currently the **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_ still has the key to my chains.

I consider him a **Skeleton** of mine...because I can't control myself around him.

When hes present, even when trying to help, the calls are coming in clear.

& The **monster** is loud.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

& Clear.

 _Like a siren on the rocks, I am drawn._

All when Riku is present.

So hes a skeleton regardless of his breed.

& That being a truly good person. The ice has thawed. His chains are free. He is not in this persistent pain.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

Oh my, but mine are still tight.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

But wanna know what I'm gonna?

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

I'm gonna be free. I know how to lockpick dear **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_.

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

 **& Thats one of my skeletons. **

**Theres usually a pair though.**

 **M** _o_ **N** _s_ **tE** _r_

* * *

A/N: This is the first of the Skeleton chapters. Please let me know what you think, I enjoyed writing this.

-VeeCat


	9. 8-The Lovely

Disclaimer: I do not own nor have rights to characters in the following shows/games/anime: Final Fantasy, Disney, or Kindgom Hearts.

A/N: Read and Review please! :)

A/N:This is my first Kingdom Hearts story, please bare with me because I'm trying a new format. This is mostly in Roxas's POV. Thanks.

 ** **Full Summary:**** Roxas has two loves. One in which he lives with everyday. The other, doesn't ever notice him, but instead loves his brother. Sora has always been more successful in school, and sports. While Roxas screwed up his life with his monster. His monster, why thats cocaine. A powder at which has no smell, nor color, It lacks life, but still has the power to take it away.. The monster is calling him. "Save me from the monsters calls." He whispers, as he drifts into the deepest of sleeps.

* * *

 **[M** o **N** _s_ **t _E_** r]

* * *

 _Dear_ _**M**_ _o_ _ **N**_ _s_ _ **tE**_ _r_

 _I hate you._

 _You ruined my life._

 _Theres this small chance though, that I'll allow that again._

 _This Life with no high isn't going for the best just yet._

 _And it might never._

 _But you should always take risks._

 _Right?_

 _The **M** o **N** s **tE** r was quite the risk. _

_The best risk I've ever taken._

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _Ahhhh what a lovely title._

* * *

 _ **M**_ _o_ _ **N**_ _s_ _ **tE**_ _r_

 _By:VeeCat_

* * *

 **Chapter Eight:The Lovely**

* * *

Kairi.

God. Shes just so beautiful.

And you know, all you people listening to my story may say, God, Roxas is kind of a stalker.

But I'm not. I don't know whether or not its envy. Envy because she left me for my brother. But I never let go. I can't.

I guess its just the fact that I really am in love with this lovely girl.

She brings meaning to the word lovely.

She is The Lovely.

And now as times has passed, and Yuffie revealed to us all the real Sora, I could make a move on Kairi.

But, I'm not going to. For the sake of my brothers feelings.

Some of you may be thinking, 'Why the fuck should Roxas care?'

But you see, along with this changed me comes some dignity.

I care about the Lovely. A lot.

 _Kairi_

My Lovely.

While I sit here, thinking all these thoughts, there is a knock at the door. Who could it be?

"Roxas?" Sora asks, peeking from behind the solid object on hinges.

"Yes?" I ask, slightly turning my head, yet not enough for him to see my thoughtful state.

"I'm sorry, I really am." Sora replied sympathetically.

"Its fine, not the first time I'll have to just get over it." I sighed, fully turning around and falling on my bed into the white sheets.

"Sorry about that to." Sora sighed.

"Not everyone's perfect, I've definitely learned that." I dully say, staring up at my ceiling of white.

"I guess." Sora seems somewhat befuddled.

"I used to think you were, I actually envied you." I surprise myself as I say these words to him.

"What, why, what is there to be jealous about?" He hides back a laugh.

"You got Kairi, in my opinion, shes everything to be jealous about." I decided to just be upfront and open about my thoughts.

"Then go after her, she left not to long ago." Sora slides over to the side.

"I can't do that." I say, not acknowledging that he moved from the doorway.

"Why, I highly doubt we will get back together." Sora replies, sitting down in my computer chair.

"She just got out of a relationship, with my own brother." I say, making sure I had that tone to make anyone feel stupid.

"But, I doubt she even loved me, you changed from someone like me, to a drug addict, all she wanted was who you were before drugs, and I was that, without your blond hair." Sora said factually, yet a nice sympathetic tone hidden in the words.

He's right, I was his true twin before the **monster,** then I met the **monster** , and we only shared looks, and not even that if you count the color of our hair.

"Where does she go, you know, when shes upset?" I question him.

"I knew I could help, I made a mistake and now I have the chance to fix it, she will be at pier 12, the far end of the shore." Sora lightly smiles.

I return his light smile and walk out the door. I stroll down the steps, and begin to walk in the direction of the docks and beach. Its very ironic she loves pier 12. My father rents that pier when he gets out the old speed boat.

The Lovely. Kairi.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

God.

Why now, this call was so strong.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

These are calls like no other. They are so strong.

The **monster** knows of my happiness, it wants to interfere.

I near the dock. She is waving her feet above the water. She looks so lovely.

She doesn't know I'm here, so I just stand and watch, her warm tears mix with the slightly cold ocean water. But the salt content of the ocean is obviously not affected by the tears.

But who cares right?

Everybody cries.

Right?

Even the mean and heartless can cry.

Angles cry.

Animals cry, I think they can.

And obviously humans.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

I can beat these calls.

"Hey lovely." I smile, putting my hands in my pockets.

"Hey Roxy." She whispers, a light smile on her lips.

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

Could I really put her through this again?

 _ **M** o **N** s **tE** r_

 _The calls, or Kairi?_

* * *

Author's Note: I hope you enjoy and leave me your thoughts. Chapter 8 1/2 is in the works, which is another "skeletons" R&R! :)


End file.
